BucketHatism: Virginia


“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”

Good morning folks, the BHK would like to start off the court proceedings by giving a shoutout to the people who make Lisinopril and other blood pressure meds that keep the BHK from having a heart attack while watching the Cards.  We are used to having heart palpitations during basketball season but I don’t need to have them during football season too.  Also, shout out to Tim Sullivan aka Slim Tully who took the time to engage me in Twitter interaction after I lambasted and destroyed him last week. Most guys would block me, like Tom Davis. Most guys would run and hide, like Tom Davis. Most guys would throw rocks from their one bedroom Scott County Indiana apartment and then block me…..like Tom Davis. But not Slim Tully, he indicated he is a “big boy” and I must admit he earned some of my respect.  He lost it again after he posted a Louisville B-ball scandal story smack dab in the middle of a nail-biter Louisville football game.

Anyway, let’s get into the notes I took over the weekend while yelling at my TV and pacing a hole in the floor.   Any outbursts and you will be removed from the court by @VilleSportslaw. He doesn’t take kindly to outbursts and Indiana residents.

(Click on More below for this week’s BucketHatism)

  • Still don’t know or care to know what  a “Hoo” is. It’s stupid and dumb to name yourself a nickname that only your fan base knows what the hell it is.  And yes, smart a** I am aware that birds don’t have teeth but at least people know what a Cardinal bird is without asking Siri or Google. Your nickname is pointless and your fanbase is brainwashed to think it would work.
  • Look up ANY movie that John Hughes directed or wrote in the 80’s. Do it right now!!! Any movie that he made about high school had a preppy, arrogant, douche that everyone hated and at the end he got what was coming to him.  That is a Virginia fan. I imagine this is what it would be like if Valhalla had a football team with fans. Yeah, we get it, you will get an awesome degree and probably be the head of a sh*tty company where you will wear socks and thong sandals and awkwardly play cornhole with guys from the shipping and receiving department but before that happens let’s go cheer for our football team, make bad jokes, and then play guitar in the courtyard for attention. Never seen a Virginia fan??  Google Lachlan Mclean and then burn your laptop.
  • Really wish Virginia was not our permanent opponent from the Coastal division.  We already deal with a crazy amount of douches from that school to our North and those bums down the road.
  • Saturday was a classic case of a bad juju game. It had all the fixin’s of a bad juju game complete with outcome.  Luckily, like Duke, we still won despite the circumstances.
  • I really felt like Charlie Strong was back on the sidelines this past Saturday. His teams would beat an opponent people say they shouldn’t then lose to a team everyone said they should beat. It was always an excuse to be made whether it was “fake juice” or “Call to Duty” which is not only the wrong game title but also made national news. Team just came out flat and un-enthused and it nearly cost them the game. Thankfully, Virginia secondary met Jalen Smith.
  • Fumble bug hit Jeremy Smith again but it all fairness it did seem that it was a miscommunication between him and Lamar on the read option.
  • DeVonte Fields being out really hurts our pass rush but it is good to see guys like Jonathan Greenard and G.G. Robinson getting some reps on Saturday.
  • I have been supportive of James Quick since the Clemson game but Saturday was inexcusable. If the ball hits you in the hands, you are expected to catch it. Could have been a 99 yard TD on back to back plays. After his 3rd drop in the game I don’t think we saw him out there again.  I guess Petrino was sending a message. I could be wrong but I don’t recall him being on the field much in the 2nd half.
  • Just like last year Jamari Staples is having a huge second half of football. He caught his second TD pass and lit UVA up for 120 yards.  Also, Cole Hikitini is a reliable threat on 3rd down. He is a classic Petrino TE.
  • Jamari Staples will now be known as 1-800-Staples followed by somebody hitting the easy button
  • Brandon Radcliff starting the year off hot but has since cooled.  I still think he has some big games left in his senior season.
  • Stop. F****** .  Arm. Tackling. Defense.
  • I have heard some bad commentary in my day but Saturday’s crew may be top 5 all time.  For one, Mike Bellotti has the energy of a sloth. As soon as I heard his voice I turned the radio on for Paul Rogers and Alex Kupper. I can deal with the 10 sec delay if that means I don’t have to listen to Bellotti forget names.  Also, Allen Bestwick, sir you don’t call a game winning touchdown the same as you would a round of golf. I have seen grown men get more excited over a trip to Hooters than you did on Saturday when Jalen Smith hauled in the game winner.  Either you were wanting UVA to win or you were preoccupied with the lunch buffet being set up behind you. Either or I hope you guys never call another Louisville game again. Go to Soundcloud right now and search for Louisville Sports Network. Listen to Paul Rogers lose his sh*t on the game winning TD. THAT  is how you call a game my friends.  I would hate to see Allen Bestwick at his kids graduation. Probably just nods and then goes to  take a nap.
  • Editors note: Found Paul Rogers Call:
  • Speaking of Jalen Smith…..he is still not talked about enough and he is still putting up NUMBERS.   Keep flying under the radar young man.
  • Jaire Alexander may go down as one of the best DB’s in Louisville history. I remember watching Anthony Floyd play and Alexander is on pace to be as good or better.  All he does is show up, intercept your passes, run your punts back, eyeball your wife, eat your food, and then head home.  Solid outing.
  • Nothing to do with the game but don’t ask for my snapchat info. I am weird and you will be offended by my thoughts in my videos. Also I like a lot of trap music and I run around without a shirt after Louisville wins games. Trust me, you are not missing much.
  • Back to defense, I know Fields is hurt but where the hell is our pass rush?? We have only 3 sacks in our last 4 games. Someone put out a APB
  • My Oakland Raiders are 6-2…….yes I totally snuck that in.
  • Virginia’s mascot is basically a guy who gets drunk, dresses up as a character from Game of Thrones and steals a horse. “Diane, call PETA and the local sheriff…..Marty is at it again”
  • Lamar Jackson had his Heisman moment and I am glad the coaches trusted him on that last drive. Apologies to Blanton Creque but I am not sure I would have trusted a field goal. Everything had went wrong in that game and we still won.
  • Bobby will probably be fined for his halftime tirade but we all were saying the same thing.  I never thought I would see an officiating crew worse than C-USA or Big East.  WRONG, ACC is the new contender.  They have ruined more games than a Jock Jams montage.  Jimbo Fischer felt the brunt on them on Saturday night with a horrible chop block call. He got fined 20k as well.
  • The BHK wants to address the Clemson fans who are still obsessed with our game that they WON 30 days ago.  Deshaun Watson is good, but he throws a ton of INT’s each game.  Also, why are you still addressing Louisville fans??  You won, move on. You are 8-0 and your head coach is running out of bullsh*t to spew after narrow wins. Congrats. Now go listen to Dabo give credit to Alf , Skeletor, and Captain Planet for each win Clemson has. You are friendly people in person but the winning is making you guys turn into smug a**holes.
  • Starting a GOFUNDME for TBG’s gold plated Cardinal wrist piece.  Cherchez la Good
  • Look, fans are going to react the way they see fit so I don’t get upset with fans who react during close games.  I have about 4 overreactions each game and quickly tweet them out only to look like an idiot later.  It’s cool, but don’t call people out on it. We all freak out and then have a “oh now I see why they called that play” moment during football and b-ball.
  • I hope duck-face or duck-lips or whatever you females do in your selfies dies a horrible death in 2017 or sooner.  I have my reasons…….
  • I have been getting trolled with Van Halen mentions and sh*t all week. I am not amused nor content with this.  I will hunt you. I WILL find you. And I will write about you on my personal site. It will not be pretty, you won’t enjoy it.  Sammy Hagar is terrible and so is Sam Adam’s Oktoberfest beer.  Now, how bad do you want to respond???  Think it through…..

And in closing I would like to say that this entire week will be me stewing in my hatred for all things Patrick Towles. I don’t hate him personally, just his obnoxious obsession with UofL. You couldn’t beat them while at that school down the road, so your transfer to Boston College and talk sh*t from there?  Had NC State not been in their feelings they probably would have sent BC to 3-5 but now they have hope at 4-4 so Cards will have to play their  best.. Patricia Tools has dedicated his season to Harambe and somewhere that gorilla is hurling feces at his laptop from Jungle Heaven.  Harry Potter fans stopped reading the books after they say Tools dress up like Harry one year. Vanilla Ice and Matt Ryan have him blocked on all social media platforms.  His grandfather, Senator Jim Bunning won’t return his calls. I reserve all of my hate towards that school down the road but I am gonna set some aside this week in hopes our D-line punishes him like he punishes his d*** after hours………..

Court adjourned  (bangs gavel)


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