BucketHatism: Slapd*cks (Or Kentucky)

“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”

Good morning. The BHK would ask that the court ignores the fact he showed up today wearing a wife beater, some gym shorts, and reeking of alcohol.  I think I owe it to myself, matter of fact we all do after the worst weekend in Cardinal history and it was not even close.  It like all the games we had some bad juju in but still managed to win all got together and decided to nut-punch us when it mattered.  Seriously, and this may be the hangover talking, it appears that the juju from Duke, Virginia, and the Wake Forest game all got together and said “hey let Louisville feel great now and over the last 2 weeks of the season lets completely f*** them up. And while we’re at it, lets dropkick their men’s and women’s basketball teams just for good measure because if we are gonna go full-juju we are gonna do it right”.

So sorry if I am a bit bitter this glorious Monday morning but it has been a long 72 hours and I just want to get some sleep.  As always I took notes down while I was sober and I am going to read them to the court.

Anybody moves, anybody says anything, you will be removed from the court by @beerwencha2.  Don’t let the glass of wine she is holding fool you, she does yoga and has 30 books under her belt.  It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for.

• Look, I have told you all the signs of bad juju earlier this season and I am not about to go back and rehash the same conversation. But as a Louisville fan, you just know when something is off. Upon waking up on Saturday morning I just knew we would play like sh*t.  I guess it is my sixth sense. Cold, dreary day.  Not a lot of excitement heading into the stadium. Appeared everyone was hungover from turkey day and Friday leftovers.  Plus the noon kickoff never helps.

• I wasn’t there for Card March but from the looks of the parking lot and the fans in the green lot I am not sure if it was well attended or not.  From what I heard and read all week a lot of the bandwagon fans hauled ass after the Houston debacle. Don’t worry, they will be back before the Purdue game next season.

• You know it’s gonna be a long day when the beer vendors are about to come to blows. The beer vendors!!  Saw two guys drop their beer (alcohol abuse) and then proceed to damn near square up outside of section 104.  Luckily the manager was called and cooler heads prevailed.  It was all over turf, one beer vendor was pissed the other was in his normal spot.  Guys you are selling beer in a stadium neither of your own to fans who probably will just go wait in line rather than patron you. I am more disappointed I didn’t yell “kick his ass C-bass”.  Missed opportunity.

• Mark Stoops looks smaller in person. I guess when you have a kid on the way you shed a few pounds from worrying so much.

• All season long I have harped on the guy who sits with us who is a UK fan dressed as a UofL fan.  He and his brother and his brother’s kid will come to our games and then for UK they come dressed in all the blue they can find which annoys the sh*t out of me to no end. So there I am, sitting next to these guys and hearing sh*t talking the entire game. The same fans who cheered us all year are now tearing us down .  Midway in the 3rd quarter the imposter leans over to me and ask me did I bet on the game because I am awfully quiet.  No sh*t asshole, my team is losing to a team that barely got to six wins and struggled to put away New Mexico State.  Not really a ton to cheer about at this time dumbass.  The person who gave them the tickets was also there and she wondered why I was so quiet.  Take one damn guess.

• Which brings me to my next point. I don’t understand our fan base at times.  If you have an extra ticket to the game why not give it to a fellow Card fan instead of selling to a fan who is there to root against your team?  I have seen people give away tickets to the rivalry game as gifts or just because and it always seems to be given to the biggest dipsh*t they can possibly find.  I get it, money is money and you can sell to whomever you please but good lord man have some decency.

• The Ali intro video was cool this season but the excitement for it faded as the season went along. My hopes are that they will let Ken Harbison have a crack at the intro next year. Give us something, anything to get pumped up as the team is walking to the field. We beg you.

• I have said it all week long, UK had nothing to lose in this game. Bowl was secured, no pressure on them like past 2 years, they could play as loose as they wanted. Louisville on the other hand was the opposite. Orange Bowl on the line, reps in the house, Lamar’s Heisman, etc.  It was the perfect storm for a crappy day.

• Speaking of Lamar, just want to say thank you.  Without him we are probably looking at 6-6 right now, maybe worse. I will touch on this in a bit.

• I tip my buckethat to UK for their gameplan.  They knew we would prep for the running game, so they killed us with the pass instead. If you would have told me we hold Snell, Boom, and JoJo in check most of the game I would have said we win by 60. Even after the 75 pass on the 1st play from scrimmage I thought we were good. Then I saw Stephen Johnson do what a smart QB does, manage the game and not try to do too much.  If I was a betting man, and I am not, I would say he will be your starter next season and we won’t see Drew Barker for a while.  I am going to go a bit further and say Drew Barker may end up transferring but that is a stretch.

• Our defensive pass rush was never the same after the Marshall game.  QB’s had all day to sit in the pocket or scramble for yards on us. Aside from Patty Light we had issues getting to the QB the second half of the season.

• Speaking of the defense.  I don’t bash players as I have said before. I am a 30+ year old male who can barely cover my 5 year old twin nephews in the back yard so I have no room to talk about how much a player sucks or whatnot. I do however bash coaches because let’s face it, you are paid to do a job. In this case you are paid 1.3 million to do a job. And please miss me with that “coaches are not on the field making the plays talk”. You are paid to prepare young men to play football.  But each season 3rd and Grantham has taken on an entirely new meaning.  The defense starts off strong each year and then fades as the season goes on.  It has happened each year Grantham has been here.  2014 (FSU meltdown, 40 points to UK, destroyed by Nick Chubb in Belk Bowl)  2015 (Houston game, second half of FSU game, first half of Pitt game) 2016 (Clemson game, 4th quarter. Virginia’s final drive, countless blown coverages against UK.  Is firing Grantham the answer, I don’t think so, at least not yet. The man can recruit his ass off and we can show we can stop the run. But I do think the secondary and cornerback coaches need to be evaluated. We have a ton of talent coming in next season so the jury is still out. I think Chucky Williams is great player, as well as Dee Smith. I just don’t think they have the overall speed you need to keep up with WR’s.  This is just my observation.

• Trumaine Washington has been picked on all year, his size works against him but at this moment he is our best option. I am not holding that long TD against him because it appeared he was injured on the play. Hope he is able to recover in time for bowl game.

• UK only tested Jaire Alexander a few times before they backed off. That dude will play on Sunday, bet on it.

• Really wanted Brandon Radcliff to have a big game. He got engaged before the opening kick so either way he won. Congrats to that dude, had a great career here at UofL. Hope he gets some looks in the NFL.

• For as much heartburn they have given me, I do have to salute the offensive line for cutting down the penalties this week. I think I counted 2 which were a false start and a illegal snap or something.

• Speaking of offensive line, I think if anyone should be worried its Chris Klenakis. Our line has gotten worse each season. I think we thought they were better but lets face it, that was Lamar using his freakish ability to scramble and salvage what he could. Which is also another reason to give him the damn Heisman. The false starts, the holding penalties, the missed assignments, ….that is all coaching. I saw a UK defensive lineman bust through a double team. How? How does that happen?  Aside from the fact his selfie game is sh*t, I think a change should be considered. Lamar got pummeled in numerous games this year and last. And yes we are bringing in some good talent but I question coaching right now.  Where is Mike Summers when you need him? That guy could make a Pop Warner line look like the one Emmit Smith ran behind in the 90’s.

• For the fans who bashed Lamar and crapped on him, do me a favor, go to my Twitter page and unfollow me, better yet just go ahead a block me.  It’s best we don’t ever interact on social media. How soon we forget that he is in his first year of learning the plays and becoming a dominant QB. Nah, lets focus on his miscues and whatnot because lord forbid he help us win all 9 of our games this year. I wish Twitter had a screening process that would ask “are you sure you want to send this dumb sh*t”? Furthermore, I don’t see how he loses the Heisman. He lost 3 games? Yeah, so did Tebow when he won it. He lost ground? To whom?  His lead was so large he basically lapped the field. I think he wins it but stranger things have happened. The fact he is not playing on championship weekend hurts, but we can thank ourselves and NC State for that.

• You know how I knew Saturday would suck?  Lawrence was the 1st caller I heard on the pregame show……….F***.

(Editor’s Note: We at CSZ on 93.9 will NOT be held responsible for guys who make vines punking out cats calling into our show)

• Cole Hikitini is going to be a great TE in the league. I will miss him next year. Hopefully Mickey Crum steps in and dominates, I am sure he will.

• There was a family of five sitting behind me at the game Saturday. The mom was the only one in red. The dad, and the 3 kids were all decked in blue. Sh*t lady, you couldn’t convert one kid?  Just one!?!?

• Quick had some big catches but I am sure people just want to talk about the dropped TD.  He makes it, we probably win the game by 1 point. But also if you don’t give up a 75 yard TD pass, commit 4 turnovers,  fail to get off the field on 3rd down, or miss defensive assignments you probably win easily.  Quick had a hell of a senior year, and I am not going to try to pin the blame on him for the loss. If you are, then unfollow me after you go f*** yourself.

• Khane Pass hits like Calvin Pryor. Dude was laying some serious wood out there on Saturday (pause).  Interested to see him and P.J. Blue on the field next year.

• I hate how cocky our fans get at times.  Mainly I hate it because it’s the cocky ones who always are the first to bash the team when they fail.  Also, special shoutout to all the fans who tweeted and harassed Lamar Thomas all year long. No I didn’t like the fact he left for our rival or that he took shots at Bobby over the summer. But ultimately he gets this last laugh. His receivers lit us up all day long. Karma is a mean bitch at times.

• You have to think Bobby developed an ulcer on Saturday. Not sure what that means going forward but I am interested to see.

• My fear is that we come out flat for the bowl game and play like crap.  I would hope we wouldn’t but it is a nagging concern especially since the Orange Bowl is likely out. If the team goes to Charlotte this year…..oye. I am hearing Citrus Bowl against Florida or Auburn by the way.

• No TBG reference today.  Not gonna include the homey in this edition. He understands.

• Indiana lost to IPFW last week and I managed to get a beer cheese burger in over the weekend………chicken prance.

• The worst part about Saturday was seeing Matt Bevin on the screen celebrating with the UK players.  You’ve f*cked up the state enough Matt, we don’t need your shenanigans. Just hand the trophy over and get your monkey ass out of the way.

• Second worst part, getting selfies sent to me via Snapchat from a fellow UofL fan. I get it, you’re sad. Your timing however is horrible.

• Third worst part, my barber is a UK fan and he called and left me a voice message which was just him laughing for 20 secs. And no, I am not switching barbers. He may be a UK fan but the guy is a magician with the straight razor and clippers. Gotta have my beard on Rick Ross status at all times. Can’t trust everyone with your hairline fam.

• Fourth worst part, seeing UK fans wear visors.  Really pisses me off, lol, I don’t know why exactly but it does.

• Louisville will be fine on offense going forward. After the bowl game guys like Jawon Pass, Dez Fitzpatrick, Keion Wakefield, and Malik Staples are eligible. Also, we  get Lamar, Jaylen Smith, Samuel, Bonnafon, and a power running back in Smith all back next year.  Offensive line will have to plug 3 holes and I am hearing Cole Bentley may come in a start as a true freshman at the center position. Throw in Seth Dawkins and Mickey Crum and I would say the offense does not lose a step. Defense is my concern, we lose a lot on the line but Drew Bailey, Jonathan Greenard, Stacey Thomas, Jaire Alexander, and Khane Pass all return just to name a few. Jury is still out on defense so we will have to wait and see who steps up. I have faith. Oh yeah, remember Trevon Young, he got hurt in the the bowl game (hip). Yeah he is back to terrorize QB’s.  We gon’ be alright fam.

And in closing I would like to say thanks for rolling with me through all 12 games this season. I appreciate all the retweets, shares, and comments both good and bad.  To all the people who made BucketHatism for the wrong reasons, let this be a lesson you need to do better in life. For all the Card fans who made BucketHatism for the wrong reason, let this be a lesson you should re-evaluate your fanhood in the offseason. For the people who complained to Jeremy55 about my blog entries, just know that no one likes a snitch. I will refer to you as Randy Wagstaff from here on. Look up the name if you are unaware who that is. To my CSZ crew, especially my boy Jeff Nunn, we tweet together, we get blocked together, CSZ for life (or until Jeremy and Steve make it big and leave us behind). I was going to make the bowl game my last entry for the year, but like a recruit dodging Tom Crean, they just keep calling me.  Therefore, beginning this Wednesday against Purdue. I present…..BucketHatology.  In the words of Jordan Belfort “I’m not leaving…………I’M NOT F’N LEAVING”

Court adjourned (bangs gavel)