“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”
Good day folks. As we settle in on this Monday, days away from a game that could decide whether or not that collision course with a National Championship will be realized or destroyed in a matter of hours, I want to remind everyone to enjoy this moment. We have the nation’s best player and possibly the schools first Heisman winner.
We have Bobby-ball back after taking a 2 year hiatus. We have a top 5 ranking again. We have an awesome recruiting class on deck. We knew there was potential for a good year, but I don’t think any of us could have imagined this. So just take a moment to enjoy it. Last year we were getting curb stomped by Pitt in the 1st half and just trying to make a decent bowl. This year the stakes are higher. Win or lose, playoffs or not, this has been fun. Take it all in.
Okay, now that we have that out of the way, time to read the notes to the court. As always, outbursts will not be tolerated. Any outbursts and I will have the bailiff @Tammaland remove you from the court. She is a loyal member of the 200’s, it is not in your best interest to test her.
- Saturday was a mixed bag for me. I felt the potential for bad juju but also thought that we had already had our bad juju game of the year. I was wrong. First play we fumble, and then we kept fumbling. I am not sure what it is about being favored by 30 points and new uniforms but for the sake of our blood pressure and overall sanity can we keep all point spreads under 30 and only wear the red chromes for the rest of the year?
- I sit next to the visiting section which means I see and hear my fair share of trash talk and surrender cobras. But Saturday there was Wake Forest fan who either had a son on the team or was just really excited about Wake Forest football. Nonetheless, this lady had a set of lungs on her and a high-pitched soprano voice. Do me a favor, press the button on your home fire alarm. Ok now hold it for about 2 hours straight. You now have my experience for the first 3 quarters of the game. She never tired, which is respectable I guess.
- Coupled with that, there was a guy behind me with a hilarious voice. He was a grown man but sounded like his balls had yet to drop. His buddies even called him Mickey Mouse. I would pay to have him narrate my day.
- Devonte Fields, welcome back sir. After having a relatively quiet year you made you presence known the entire game. Wofford checks under his bed for you now before going to sleep.
- This trend of start fast/start slow has to stop fam. Eventually your luck has to run out and with all that we have on the line we cannot afford to shoot ourselves in the foot.
- Lamar didn’t have his normal game but still had a big game if that makes sense. He was responsible for about 300 yards of offense and accounted for one TD. What helps is that his lead is so large he probably won’t be hurt by this. Oh yeah, it also helps when your main competition all lose. Browning had a horrible game, Peppers didn’t have his normal big game, Watson threw 70 times and still wasn’t enough to win. Hopefully Lamar can pad the stats more this week and coast to New York.
- Shout out to the crowd on Saturday night. I thought with the cooler temps and the amount of beer consumed we would see a poorly attended game. I was wrong. I hope the ACC schedules more of those night games for us going forward.
- You know what is frustrating?? Slapdicks in our stadium for every game. You know what else is frustrating? When Slapdicks criticize your team’s performance while in your stadium and then celebrate when Louisville scores. That fan of the team down the road returned on Saturday which made the game unbearable for the first 2 hours. But then again, if anyone knows about bad football it would be a Slapdick. Hell, lord knows they are used to watching it.
- I have a fan who sits in front of me who always asks me what is going on with the team when they are under-performing. I don’t have a headset or a phone line to call and talk to Bobby during the game fam, so your guess is as good as mine.
- Do we really need to be advised that there is no flag for intentional grounding? I mean, if there were wouldn’t we see it on the field?? The refs said this a few times on Saturday to the point where the crowd began to groan.
- Jamari Staples had an ugly first half. Had a sure TD that he dropped along with a few other passes. Luckily he made up for it in the second half with some key receptions.
- I knew Wake was great against the run, but I was really thought we could exploit their secondary. That is hard when you have 6 guys in your face after snapping the ball. Wake had a good defensive strategy and they are fairly young. If they can develop an offense they may make some noise next year. There was a few times I asked where was James Quick, or Hikitini, or Smith. Coverage was great, hats off to them.
- I hate when players taunt, especially when they are losing. But dammit I am doing the Jaire Alexander chicken prance each time something great happens. Gas under $2 bucks, chicken prance. LG&E bill under $100 bucks, chicken prance. Woodford Reserve on sale, chicken prance. Marathon of The Wire on, chicken prance. Passing a cop on the e-way doing 20 over and dodging a ticket, pulling over JUST to chicken prance on the Watterson folks. Unfollowed by people who still take pics doing duck face…..sh******t…….chicken-chicken-prance Y’ALL.
- Notice the LG&E comment above, this is why I was appointed head of energy by TBG and you weren’t. That heat ain’t coming on until I can see my breath in the house. And unless you are passing out from heat exhaustion keep the thermostat on 72 in the summer fam.
- I don’t know who he is, I don’t know who sent him, I don’t even need to know his name. But as a fanbase we must find that guy who was dancing in the stands along with the Ladybirds on Saturday night. I was at the game so I didn’t notice it, but upon watching the playback and seeing it posted on Twitter I decided this guy has it all figured out. It is our duty to get him on the field for a routine with the crew. Dammit he has earned it, so miss me with your negativity. The hair flip damn near killed me bruh.
- I know this isn’t funny and I shouldn’t have laughed but I thought it was hilarious when people thought Teddy was back in the Ville only to realize it was Mama Rose. You can hear people standing and cheering and then all you heard was “lets give a round of applause for Teddy Bridegwater….’s mother Rose!!!” Love you Mama Rose but they trolled the fans big time.
- Drew Bailey and DeAngelo Brown are beasting this year. Brown is going to be a steal in the draft along with Keith Kelsey. They are going to be hard to replace but I think we have the guys to do it.
- Shout out to Ronald Walker who got our first defensive TD this year. He could have moonwalked in on that pick six.
- Shout out to Devante Peete who is killing it on special teams. Peete is 6’6 and I thought he could be the next Maria Urrutia which he still could. But when the WR corp is deep as it is you gotta find a way on the field somehow. His blocked punt gave us great field position.
- Brandon Radcliff is a monster late in the season. I still can’t believe he is a senior. Seems like yesterday he was showing off his haircut with the Cardinal Bird in the back of his head. Gonna miss his energy next year but Malik Staples and Jeremy Smith look impressive. Sucks that L.J. Scott has been hampered with injuries all season.
- The best thing about this weekend was not the win over Wake, or all the chaos in the top 5. It was seeing Clemson fans cry about the officials. Really Clemson? Really?? You’re sh*tting me right? So we can’t complain about missed pass interference calls, or forgotten 1st down markers, but as soon as you lose it’s the refs doing? Your tears are so delicious right now. Very nourishing to my soul. Plus Ben Boulware finally got flagged for choking Lamar, just happened about 5 games too late. Funny hearing Dabo not have a speech for losing, usually its a corny catch phrase and he throws in random words to make it seem awesome.
- I am already a nervous wreck thinking about the Houston game. If it was a home game I would feel better but the fact we have to go there with a high ranking and playoff on the line has me pacing. Short week to prep but I would think Bobby has been prepping for weeks now. I also believe Ward was injured in Saturday’s game so that may be a huge factor if he is unable to go.
- Qdoba is better than Chipotle. Bone-in wings defeat boneless (chicken nuggets) any day. Well done steak is basically grilled rubber, and Texas Roadhouse cinnamon butter is bae. Debate amongst yourselves.
- Only one home game left, I am hoping we get frisbee dogs for our halftime entertainment or this season will be a disappointment. If we get frisbee dogs, …..chicken prance.
- Trumaine body-slammed a guy. Although it was after the guy got the 1st down I enjoyed it.
- Got a email yesterday asking me to take a survey about improving the fan experience at PJCS. Don’t need a survey. Put a free beer under each seat 30 minutes before kickoff. Give another free beer if people are still in their seats at kickoff. Kill the Van Halen 3rd down music. Move the band down on the field to open up seating for more fans and also move the visitor section to the flight deck to open up the lower bowl to more Card fans. Put Johnny U’s statue right outside of the tunnel so players can touch it during CardMarch. Start selling bone-in wings. Remove all Slapdicks from seats and make them watch from 65 South. Instead of throwing peanuts and t-shirts, let Lamar throw frisbee’s with gift cards attached. Show Tom Jurich on the scoreboard taking a shot each time Louisville scores. Let the guy in the crunch zone who holds the defense sign run up and down the sidelines to get crowd pumped but only if he untuck’s his jersey. Boom, problem solved.
And finally as I stated before we have a huge day coming on Thursday. We start with basketball at 4pm and end with football at 8pm. (Editors note: Join us at JB’S Pub on Central for our final Game watch of the football season) Should be a great time. Houston won’t be easy but hopefully the team has checked out and Tom Herman is looking at houses in Austin or Baton Rouge or wherever. Either way, take all this in and relish it. Look at Michigan State and Oregon, they were on top of the world the past few years and now this. This feels like 2006 all over again. Unless you are a SEC West team, you rarely get a second chance in college football. Bobby and the Cards have that chance on Thursday, and I think they make the most of it.
Court adjourned (bangs gavel)