Photo Courtesy Wikipedia
I decided this week to do a list of 10 things I hate about Clemson. It’s all in good fun. With out further adieu, 10 things I hate about you Clemson.
10) I hate Hunter Renfrow. The dude’s been there 30 years. He always makes big time catches. He reminds me of Wes Welker and I hated him too. He looks like that nerdy frat bro that does all the other frat bros homework. His name sounds like a goofy character out of a Mark Twain novel.
9) I hate your orange and purple color scheme. Everyone knows tigers aren’t orange and purple. Dang it, they’re orange and black. Y’all look like a bunch of pimps at the Playa’s Ball. Consider revisions.
8) I hate Dabo Swinney. Let me clarify, I think he’s a great guy, but I hate that he always wins. I hate his goofy accent. I hate that I actually think he’s a good dude. His name also sounds like a goofy Mark Twain character.
7) I hate that you all live in the past. Give it up. Lamar won the Heisman and rightfully so. He put up astronomical stats, quite a few at your expense. Enjoy your title and zip it about the Heisman.
6) I hate that you rush the field, especially after you lose. Come on yall. It just looks goofy ON TV rushing the field after a loss. That would be like dancing a jig after getting the crap kicked out of you by an MMA fighter. Consider revisions.
5) I hate that yall are so nice, yet oh so evil. You’re like the Ted Bundys of college football fandom. You’ll smile, pat me on the back, and then I feel the blood running down my back from the knife you put in it. So evil.
4) I hate that you use microphones to amplify your crowd noise. It’s like Barry Bonds taking roids when he was already a Hall of Fame player. Death Valley is loud enough and a great environment. Drop the mics.
3) I hate that your defensive players like to stick fingers in opponent’s butts. Really? On what planet is that considered having fun as Ben Boulware said. You all out here giving free prostate exams. Stop! You aren’t licensed! And please don’t ever try to shake my hand. No thanks!
2) I hate your rock. It’s a rock! Guarantee you I can find one just like it anywhere in Kentucky. You even named it Howard, have it encased in glass, and your players “pet” it as they run full speed down a dangerously steep hill. You treat it like a pet rock. You know who else does that? 5 year olds!
Speaking of rocks…
1) I hate your mascot. That dang tiger looks like he’s addicted to a different type of rock. Those eyes are ridiculous. I want to have an intervention for that tiger and send him to rehab. Actually, after a closer look, I know his true addiction.