I have seen all the jive talk on Twitter from certain fans of a certain team based in Lexington. They are thanking their lucky stars Lamar Jackson is likely gone to the NFL. They now think UofL is about to hit a decline.
Well, sorry about your rotten luck. Guess what? UofL is Jawon Pass(ing) you by. He’s no Lamar, but he’s definitely got mobility. Oh and he can launch bombs with his arm and destroy your defense.
Oh, you don’t think he’s all that good? “Lamar made most of the plays with his legs and incredible teleporting superpower.” “He’s all you all have offensively.” Well, sadly for you Big Boo Nation, we will still seize the Dae (Williams) with a walking, talking tank. You found that out Saturday of course. Once our rushing attack is through with you, you will need a Colin(oscopy) (Wilson). You big blue cry babies will enjoy missing tackles and getting waxed.
“Your O-line is trash. You can’t protect Pass. You can’t run the dang ball against us next year. Benny Snell gonna kill yalls.” You cannot scale Mount (Mekhi) Becton. Robbie is going to ring a few Bell(s) when he clobbers your defensive linemen. We have this nice, new (Cole) Bentley that will run over your offensive linemen. Not that we need them against your porous defense.
Oh? I notice I’m not hearing much about our receivers. You must fear Dez for he will give your DBs Fitz(patrick) while shredding that paper-thin defense. You must fear Lord Seth (Dawkins) using his power to create disorder and chaos in your secondary (read a little about Egyptian mythology. You’ll get it). Oh and there are more talented WRs waiting in the wings too. Your DBs will once again look confused and befuddled by their route running wizardry.
“When Jaire is gone, you won’t be able to cover a cricket with a blanket.” Well, there’s this (Russ) Yeast that will rise to the occasion. Your WRs will get (Rodjay) Burns when they try to run a route. Our Dee (Smith) is going to be so dang tough. Let’s not forget that Khane won’t give your WRs or RBs a Pass on the field. (CJ) Avery(where) you look, there’s a heavy hitter who can also cover.
“Stacey Thomas, James Hearns, and Treveon Young won’t be walking through that door.” Benny (Snell) won’t be using his jets much. Our defense will leave him and all of you feeling (PJ) Blue. Dorian (Etheridge) will make everything seem gray. Jonathan will make your offensive line appear a little Green(ard) around the gills. GG Robinson is going to whip your offensive lines butt, just like their real GGs did back home.
Keep on thinking that with Lamar gone, you all will somehow begin dominating the rivalry. Unfortunately for you, our program is actually more than just one player.
You all should be hoping your players learn discipline quickly and, you know, how to tackle, pass, and catch. They know how to run. Benny the man. They don’t know how to win though. Your team had one fluke win last year, but no more. Sorry, not sorry, UofL Football will still own this rivalry.