With the 2019 season opener for UofL Football against Notre Dame just upon the horizon, I thought I would bring back 10 Things I Hate About YOU the Notre Dame edition. Now, before I get into this, understand that I do respect Notre Dame and actually like some of these things. However, it’s hate week lol. This is just for fun and some laughs. Don’t take it too seriously. Now, with that said, let’s get into the 10 Things I Hate About YOU Notre Dame.
10. I hate your little Irish cartoon mascot:
That little, drunken leprechaun triggers me. He’s obviously a bad drunk, an a-hole if you will, because he’s always looking for a fight. He literally has his dukes up all the dang time ready to throw down. How about we get the little fella some Lucky Charms and calm his behind down.
9. Touchdown Jesus:
Why, why do you have to refer to the Lord and Savior, the King of Kings, the man who walked on water and conquered death as Touchdown Jesus? He is not signaling a touchdown dang it. He is welcoming the masses to the kingdom of Heaven, not welcoming the Notre Dame players to the end zone.
You have taken a beautiful painting and turned it into a glorified referee or into a fan who has had a little too much to drink. I know this is hard for you all to believe, but Jesus has more things to worry about than TDs scored by Notre Dame.
8. “Play Like A Champion Today” Sign and the Sign Slap:
First off, the sign looks like it was purchased at a dang yard sale. Secondly, why do you constantly have to remind your players to play like champions? That’s a sign of horrendous coaching if you ask me. Thirdly, if this is sign is so significant, why are the players slapping the hell out of it? Shouldn’t it be encased in glass and only opened in case of an emergency when the team is playing like crapions and not champions?
7. Notre Dame Stadium:
It’s cool. It has an air of mystique all around it. Yet, it is a concrete eyesore with bleacher seats that are uncomfortable as hell; especially when it’s 10 degrees and snowing. Ya know, since yall are affectionately known as the golden domers, maybe, I don’t know, build a golden dome over it and put some dang chairbacks in ya cheapskates.
6. The Helmets and Unis:
You’re the Fighting Irish. Yet, your helmets are a gaudy gold and your unis are blue and gold. Why? You’re the Fighting Irish. Irish is traditionally associated with the color green, with shamrocks. Add some green for goodness sake. Make the jersey permanently green or at least trim it in green. Hell, put a shamrock on that helmet permanently. You can keep that gaudy gold ya Golden Domers. By the way, Boston College’s gold helmet with the red stripe is better. Yeah, I wrote it.
5. Victory March Fight Song:
This song is atrocious. It makes me want to take a pencil, pen, ice pick, or whatever other sharp object is within my grasp and drive it into my ears. The pain would be better than having to listen to this song. I am pretty dang sure that the government, when they were performing extraordinary renditions, was using this song. In fact, I believe that an article was added to the Geneva Convention banning this song from being used as an interrogation tactic. It is like hearing nails scratch upon a chalk board. It is what I imagine the theme music is for the underworld.
4. Independence and NBC:
What really grinds my gears is the idea that you’re too good to join a conference. You got a whole major cable network backing you. My guess is you black mailed them into backing you by threatening to play the fight song on loop at their headquarters. You’re all high and mighty up there living mostly off the past. Yeah, you made the playoff last year. Good for you. You were promptly nuked by Clemson.
Yet, you have to maintain your independence because you’re Notre Dame and better than everyone. You have NBC driving money trucks up to South Bend. How about you just man up and join a conference instead of being all aristocratic? Aristocracy died in two little fights called the Revolution and the Civil War. You might want to read up on those.
3. Your Stupid End Zones:
The end zones look like your grounds crew got lazy and literally thought of the easiest design they could without leaving it blank. I mean come on! A few slash lines? You could’ve been so creative. Had Notre Dame written in gold lettering, had the little Fighting Irish dude on either side, and maybe colored the grass navy. Instead, you have something a 4 year old could draw on a sheet of paper. Might as well have left it blank.
2. Taking Paul Hornung Out of Louisville:
I know, Louisville was not even close to being a powerhouse or blueblood program as your program was at the time. However, we had some players come through that were high caliber like Lenny Lyles and Johnny U. You took a hometown hero, the Golden Boy, from us. An obvious program changer that could’ve made Louisville. Having Notre Dame come in and pluck one of the greatest players of all time from out of his hometown when UofL could’ve used him sucks.
1. Making Rudy A Thing:
Your most egregious sin was making Rudy a thing. First off, apparently, most of that movie was a full of inaccuracies and mischaracterizations. Secondly, you allowed it because it was a dang two hour Notre Dame recruiting commercial. Don’t think you were slick. We see you only backed it for that reason. The powers that be probably never even heard of Rudy Ruettiger til the producers for the film came along.
Now people can’t escape the reach of Rudy. It’s on cable all the time. We have to watch that midget line up offside and not have it called. It’s obvious the refs were in on the fix there. We have to see the heartwarming scene where his teammates, led by Roland Steele, lay their jerseys on Dan Devine’s desk to get him to let Rudy dress. Problem is, that never happened and Roland Steele wasn’t real. Oh, and that “Rudy” chant happened, but was nothing like what happened in real life.
Reel life was far removed from real life when it comes to this movie. Thanks for giving us that sack of lies to create that overly sentimental drivel. By the way, it didn’t help you all that much.