BucketHatism: Houston

“ALL RISE!!! Court is now in session. The honorable Bucket Hat King LJ tha Fiasco presiding. Please be seated and come to order”

(sips bourbon)  Morning, afternoon, whatever. The BHK has stumbled into the courtroom today after one of the most frustrating losses he is ever had to sit through.  Before we begin, yes I am drinking at work and no your feelings about it are not going to be taken into consideration.  Through the last 11 games we have seen the highs and lows of a season. We have tackled Death Valley, while covering what does and does not constitute as bad juju.  We have mocked commentators and got blocked by Tom Davis. We have made friends and enemies with Slim Tully.  We have even instituted the chicken prance into our daily routine.  Despite what happened in Houston last night, this season was one of the best ones I have ever been a part of and we still have 2 games and a Heisman ceremony left.

Now it could be the liquor, or it could be my emotions but I absolutely love live tweeting games with 99.999% of you, the other 1% will be covered below.  I try my best not to criticize players, although some frustrate me to know end. I realize I am a 30+ year old male who would get my ass handed to me on any court, football, and baseball field no matter the competition.  (Pours another glass of bourbon) That being said, this post will be different. I am not an advocate of Card on Card crime…..BUT……I am an advocate of Card on Bandwagon/Fairweather Card crime.  I try my best not to call people out, but that sh*t changes today.  Some of you took to the interwebs last night to voice your displeasure with the team.  That’s cute, I take to BucketHatism to voice my displeasure with you.  So……let’s get to it.

Anybody moves, anybody says anything you will be removed from the court by the bailiff @GeneralWasp.  You can breathe, you can blink, you can laugh. Hell……..you’re all gonna be doing that.

• Even before the game last night I had a bad feeling.  It started on Sunday and snowballed from there. I knew it was going to be rough when I saw players tweeting displeasure with the rankings on Tuesday night.  This is exactly why Rick Pitino prohibits this basketball team from tweeting.  You have to question maturity at times and we have all seen tweets get blown way out of proportion. So I was not surprised last night when several player tweets were plastered all over TV.   Petrino may want to issue a policy on tweeting during the season.  It’s obvious the team was more focused on the disrespect rather than using the disrespect to fuel their game-plan. Lets not forget, we have a ton of young players on the team particularly on offense. Mainly sophomores and some juniors. The coaching staff should have shut that sh*t down on Tuesday night while it was happening.

• Bad juju was oh so present yesterday.  I have told you guys, never ever wear anything new in a big game. Stick to what you know. I was reading about people rocking brand new shirts, hats,  etc.  You can’t tempt juju, she is a mean b*tch.  Also, got word before the game that a good homey of mine bet on the game.  I called a loss then and there. He didn’t understand the big deal. Never bet on Louisville, ever. You never know what team shows up and now he is out of money. Didn’t Pete Rose teach you anything?  People choose one of the biggest road games of the year to switch things up. What the hell man!!  Why??

• Todd Herman is a great coach, he will do great wherever he goes this winter whether its LSU or Texas. Rumor has it Jimbo is going to LSU and that opens the door at Florida State, I would hope Herman stays out of the ACC, he has become a thorn in Louisville’s ass.

• Speaking of Herman, the BHK was not comfortable with all the touchy feely antics. He hugs and kisses all his players as they come off the bus. Cool gesture. The reading of bedtime stories and making sure they brushed their teeth before bed was a bit much though.  I get the term “players coach” but he went all Mr. Drummond on us. Not sure if I was watching a football game or an episode of Full House.  The BHK misses the days where John L. Smith used to slap his players after wins. I was expecting a damn slumber party to break out at halftime. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

• Fumbles are bad. That is all

• How bad was Thursday?? We lost both Malik Williams and Jamari Staples.   Malik looks like he broke his arm or wrist and Jamari went out with an undisclosed injury.  I can see why Malik fumbled the ball, looks like he took a direct hit on the forearm. We have all hit our funny bone which makes the arm go numb.  Either way, I hope for  a speedy recovery for both.

• Looks like Houston watched the Clemson and Wake game  and developed a great defensive plan. I can’t get mad at that, they were relentless and the pressure came from everywhere.

• Question. Was the o-line improved this year or was it basically the same while Lamar put makeup on it and made it seem prettier than it really is?  I am going to go with the latter.  If it was any other non mobile QB, we don’t win 9 games. Lamar and Radcliff do a great job of playing hard. Cole Hikitini does a great job of blocking for them.

• I don’t bash players in my posts. I explained that already.  But I do bash guys who are responsible for getting them prepared, especially if that is your job. Chris Klenakis is in year 3 as our O-line coach.  The unit has shown signs of improvement, but they have shown more signs of being undisciplined. Of the 15 penalties last night, 9 was on the O-line……9.  False starts, holding, personal fouls, just dumb sh*t. And it starts with your coach.  I know Bobby loves the guy, but it’s just not looking like a long-term deal.  I hope I am wrong but that position continues to be our weakness.  Another thing is he can’t take a profile picture to save his life but that is neither here nor there.

• I have been the biggest fan of Jaylen Smith this entire season, but I was very pissed that he was tweeting SEC has-beens and not focused on the game hours before it was played. You have to be more mature than that fam. And it showed on the field as he dropped several passes and was a non-factor.  I am sure he and the team will learn from this.

• And while we are on the subject of maturity, let’s go to the human sh*t emoji Booger McFarland. For a guy in a professional setting he is no more than a paid troll who is riding his past SEC fame and crapping on college kids while doing it. And no one at ESPN has anything to say about it.  I have never seen a ESPN personality live tweeting during a game and openly mocking players and fans. While our fanbase spent a good portion of Thursday going at it with him for whatever reason, everyone needs to agree to disagree and move on. Personally, I couldn’t care less what he has to say, his name is Booger, that says it all.  Also, make your presence known on the field and it shuts everyone up.

• The Radcliff and Lamar fumbles were so strange. Literally looked like the ball was covered in grease.  Ball security is a must. High and tight.

• Funny that our last big halftime loss was in 2008. I remember watching that game and seeing players trash talking down by 50 points.  Didn’t understand it then, and I don’t now. There was a few times our corners were trash talking rather than focusing on getting back in the game. Again, that’s being undisciplined.

• Worst thing about being down 31-0 at halftime? Having Joey Galloway in the studio to analyze it. Guy almost jizzed his pants before he spoke.

• Back to the O-Line. If that is the true offensive line then hand Lamar the Heisman right now. This means he has masked all of their faults all year long and made us think differently.

• Speaking of Heisman races. If you are one of the people who think the Heisman was lost last night you should probably not be allowed to attend a Louisville game again.  HOW??? How in the hell did he lose the Heisman last night? His lead was ridiculous, his numbers were unheard of, and he tied the ACC record for most TD’s responsible for in a season last night, he  will break it next week.  So HOW??  And who do you give it to? Deshaun Watson??  He throws interceptions like women throw shade.  Jabrill Peppers?? He plays 5 positions so which one are we rewarding? Baker Mayfield?? You’re sh*tting me right?  On his worst night, Lamar is still the best player on the field.  That defense he played against last night did a good job and deserve all the credit, but lets not get crazy to start believing he lost the trophy last night folks.

• All we have to do is beat that team down the road and we go to Orange Bowl. That’s it. I don’t see Clemson losing to South Carolina or in the ACC title game so as long as that does not happen we are in. Just win next Saturday.  Also, if Wake somehow can hold on to their game plan and not let it get compromised then MAYBE they can upset Clemson this weekend. If that happens we are in ACC title game. Step away from the ledge.

• I really, really, hate when Lawrence calls into 93.9 after games. I know Mark Ennis gets a kick out of it but I think I would rather fall ear first on a screwdriver than listen to him after games.  He is one of the most negative guys I have ever heard. Even after wins he finds something to piss and moan about.  Something tells me he is 350 pounds and goes by @neverhappy247 online.  Something tells me he shows up at Pop Warner games and critiques 6 year olds on their tackling. Something tells me he still wears his 2007 Orange Bowl shirt to all home games despite the holes and the fact his navel is exposed. Something tells me he has a picture of Kate Upton with the mouth cut out somewhere in his house. But I digress (pours another glass of bourbon)

• Speaking of horrible fans who claim to be die-hard cards, lets address that 1% I spoke of in the opening statement.  Look I get it, we fumbled on the opening kick and were down by 7 points 11 secs into the game.  But rather than relax I have fans like @st******1 who predicts a loss a mere 15 seconds into the game. The same guy who is front and center at all football and basketball games basically crapping on the team as soon as we go down by a score? Then I see @Cardcreed saying Louisville can’t handle prime-time games. It was 7 to f*cking 0 bruh.  James Quick sends a motivational tweet after the game and he has guys like @SheerPerfecti0n and @ChristopherPHic skipping their monkey asses in his mentions to “well actually” him.  These are the same fans who are d*ck riding the players at EVERY home game and then filling their diaper as soon as the team makes mistakes. I have said this before, but I guess I needed to remind everyone that I DON’T GIVE A F***. I welcome beef. I am not here to please anyone or be the best Twitter follower ever. The athletes do all the work, the training, the hits, the pain, etc.  As a fanbase all we get to do is enjoy it, the least we can do is cheer them on in the good and the bad times. We are Cards for life, L1C4 remember?  Apparently some of us are just Card fans until they are behind by a touchdown. You smell that?? Yeaahhhh I just sh*tted on you.

(EDITORS NOTE: The views and thoughts of BHK may not necessarily reflect those of CSZ. HOWEVER under no circumstances should you be tweeting players)

Now, back to Lamar. The man has the heart of a lion.  The hits he took last night reminded me of Hunter Cantwell in the Gator bowl years ago. Just kept getting up and going back in.  I do wish Bobby would have sat him in the 4th though especially after it was 34-10.  Lamar could have trashed his line, he could have moped around, but he didn’t. He didn’t quit on his team, unlike some people we know.

• A lot of people questioned Bobby for punting late in the 4th qtr.  I get it, and I wish he would have went for it as well. But lets also take into consideration that Ed Oliver and the Houston defense were doing the electric slide in the backfield the entire game.  He was probably just trying to protect Lamar and his offense. Either way, I saw no issues with it but I can see why people did.

• Houston calling us their SuperBowl was a warning flag. Team had nothing to play for and had a top 5 team coming in led by a Heisman contender. There was blood in the water as soon as we got off the plane.

• Can we just break out the Red Chromes for the rest of the year?  Aside from the Clemson game I would say they served their purpose this year.

• Kudos to the defense who tried all night to contain but you can tell they were gassed. The spend a good amount of time on the field and Houston pulled every trick out of the bag, and I do mean every trick.  I kept waiting for the Statue of Liberty or Flea Flicker to be shown.

• We are sorely missing Josh Harvey Clemons and Shaq Wiggins but let the BHK show love to Jonathan Greenard and Stacey Thomas for their play last night. Same goes for Devonte Peete. They played hard till the last whistle.

• Houston students like spaghetti noodles in their chili and A1 on their steaks. Savages

• I like how the national media tells us we are the only team that could beat Bama and then as soon as we lose they crap on the people who said Louisville could beat Bama.  Hmmmm, aren’t you guys the ones who…..you know what….nevermind.

• Anyone who stayed up and listened to postgame show on 93.9 like I did got to hear Steve-O, a caller who was either Boomhauer from King of the Hill or just really, really, high on cocaine at the time.  It was the most confusing, incoherent, hilarious call of all time. I think he asked and answered his own question 3 times during the call.

• One would think Bobby will take advantage of the extra prep time for next weeks game against the Slapd*cks.  And one would also think the seniors on defense and offense will come out ready to curb-stomp them. It would not surprise me if Bobby put 80 up, it would also not surprise me if this is more a game than it should be.  Guess we will find out next Saturday.

• I usually include a TBG reference in all my posts, but with the way things went down yesterday I got nothing. Try his smoked BBQ when you have a chance. There ya go!

And in closing I just want to wish all of my followers a Happy and safe Thanksgiving, even the 5 UK fans that follow me.  I am thankful that you guys read my rants each week and laugh and share them. Thanks to my boy Jeremy55 for giving me this opportunity and not putting me in a corner except for that one time when he tried to put me in a corner.  Thanks to my CSZ family, most importantly Jeff Nunn who always jumps in my fights regardless if I started it or not.  With two games left (three if Wake pulls an upset) I have thoroughly enjoyed writing these each week.  The BHK is three sheets to the wind but I just want to let everyone know I appreciate all of the support. Except from Mandy who body shames me and then goes and eats a wheat germ salad followed by a dandelion shake.  The BHK eats what he wants dammit. Anyway, next week is rivalry week and we play that team down the road. Should be fun times to be had.  Being a Card fan is fun, but at times hard. We live and die with the team, we cheer, we groan, but we come back each week regardless, well some of us.   No matter what happens from here on out, if we don’t win another game this year. Every day, every single red, black and white day…….it is a good g**damn day to be a Cardinal.

Court adjourned (bangs gavel)